Taking my first steps

Your story of Experience, Strength and Hope:

Clearing things up with my-self is helping me a lot…Thanks SLAAUK

I´m living in Colombia, however I´d like to hold this conversations on english language, in the paragraphs below I will explain why I´m proposing this requirement…
You will realize that this is not my native language.
I have held meetings with a bioenergetic physician, he is a well known professional in his area and he has recommended to me using this language as a therapy…
I haven´t been able to reveal him the extension and depth of my adictions so that I just have sketched my sexual trends…The situation became complicated because of I have held these meetings in presence of my wife…
One year ago I recognized in front of them (My wife and my bioenergetic physician) part of my sexual activities, in special sexual activities with prostitutes during my staying at Bogotá, when I was working far away from home and my incomes didn´t allow me to travel frequently to my hometown…

I felt so alone and so irritated because of my wife had promissed traveling to Bogotá to stay with me…but due to she is a very dynamic woman she used to feeling depresed after staying three or four days at Bogotá.
I tried to undesrtand her passing from a medium where she enjoyed a lot of social recognizing (Hometown) to a place where she was an anonymous person. But this understanding was not sincere…This way I started to visit XXX video rooms and afterwards brothels…every time I was trying to increasing pleasure carried out it to a different level….
Anyway everything started at hometown where my first strong sexual experience was with a shemale…

My first love relationship was with a 15 years old girl, I was 19 years old…I felt so depressed when she finished with me…I was full of rage…with a very low self -esteem..I knew the first sexual touchings with her and I have been very selfish all my live…so I started to depending on it…

When everything was over (One year later) I promissed myself I would never hurt someone else…
I took the blame over me for this failure.

Time went by and my wound didn´t heal….I couldn´t forgiving my self…So that having sex with a transexual appeared in front of me as an option to allievating my painful…
It had been on my mind but my religious believings had acted like a barrier…I had fought with God…My faith was broke…I had nothing to lose….
I fell to the abism…16 years of my life walking into darkness…I was near to lost my wife…It was so painful but I saw a light…I started to recognize my illness..

Still today comes to my mind some situations that steal my peace…But i will not surround..I have seen a light…slaauk
To shed light to the problem, to recognize the problem helps a lot…
See you…

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