50 days in SLAA without meetings

Your story of Experience, Strength and Hope:

Sometimes is so hard to believe that I´m going to recover my dignity, create a true relationship with myself and my Higher Power.

Hi, Today is my 50th day in recovery in SLAA. I live in Madrid where there´s no SLAA meetings. I have 4 years 6 months of AA recovery but I don´t feel like sharing this sex and love addiction in AA meetings, so the only person that Im in contact is my SLAA sponsor in another part of Spain. I never met her its only a voice telling me that SLAA Program works.
Sometimes is so hard to believe that I´m going to recover my dignity, create a true relationship with myself and my Higher Power. I have no idea whom I´m going to be in the future. The only thing I know is that I was desperate, wanting to die, my life was unmanageable and I had tried everything before I got to SLAA. Im working the program every single day with daily phone calls to my sponsor, Im praying. Im in the point that Im not able to act out (bottom lines), sometimes I dont feel any progress and I dont have examples near me to see progress in others. I dont know who I am. I´ve been psychically sick, I know that all this emotional changes are reflecting in my body. I feel invisible, ugly and not worth it.
But the only thing that  Im sure is that I dont want to feel crazy as before, It was very painful and I wanted to kill myself. I need to get in contact with women to be encourage and to listen about stories in the solution.
THANKS

3 thoughts on “50 days in SLAA without meetings

  1. green_manalishi Post author

    20 November 2010 – 12:08pm — green_manalishi
    I can relate very strongly
    I can relate very strongly to your post. Not been around as long as you yet, but suddenly I wonder who I am and where I go from here. My bottom line, at the moment, is not to have sex at all. That may change as I progress in the programme but it’s gotta be no to all sexual contact for the time being, at least until I get my bearings. This leaves a gaping hole. Like you I am also a recovering alcoholic, in my case with almost 10 yrs continuous sobriety, but plagued with all this sex stuff, much of it not at all pretty. I would go so far as to say that sobering up enabled the promiscuity. When I was a pisshead I was incapable and nobody would have wanted me anyway. I hope and pray for a solution through SLAA. I am currently on step one and have to say I have no denial problems I have known for years that I am a sex and love addict. I want peace, and to feel comfortable in my own skin, and to reduce the power that sex has over my being.

    Reply
    1. Ellie

      I am so relieved to find this site as recognise so much of what I have read in myself
      Can any woman please help me and give me the courage to find and attend a meeting
      I finally admitted what my life was like and need to change before it’s too late

      Reply

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