Starting over, just for today

after another slip, of contacting qualifier,no motivation then other to ask him to buy my dog food, i yet again “trip” into the same cycle, of mayb it would be ok to meet him,i want a roast dinner and a cuddle, he wants me to use crack and suck his shrivelled piece, at the same time as bein repulsed, frightened, yet it bounces around my head and i consider! Yes, i am poorly of the mind, body and soul when it comes to this stuff!!!

how many times, when we will i learn any contact sends me on this cycle,I AM POWERLESS!!
ive wrote myself a willing to be willing piece,reminded of the abuse,of no contact, of him being ill, please angels help me with the cravings, help!! basically
i live out of london, no meetins,i let go of my sponser, i was dishonest with a slip, in fear of bein let go,yet i cant get well without being honest, i just cant, and dont wan to think i can get away from it!! yet i was in fear, of losing the sla spony , as im not able to go meetings and pick up anew one,i dont feel out on a limb, im not well, yet it seems i have to trust god on this, that if i put it out there, another person will again give me there valued time, ESH. Also, ex spony did speak our her own current space,that she felt wasnt in a strong postion to sponser me, so i came clean and let her go, i phone others in london, i leave my account of where im at, wishing them a good day, just to stay current, im currently doin step 8, na.
Cried this morning, liked i loved him , yet mixed with sadness for he is truly slave to his illness,his paranio, lonliness,fears, constantly seeking his next fix, a sense of not just letting go, yet knowing he is in his illness, he may nener recover, never experience peace,freedom, alignment with god,its very sad, and yes, i do care about him, what a waste of a human life. so im not well, yet doin wot i can today towards my recovery,havin faith,prayin to stay unhooked.
thankyou for being here, charlie

One thought on “Starting over, just for today

  1. Prof Post author

    Dear Charlie,
     
    Thankyou for all your messages. Its great that you get solice being able  to write on these forums. Stick with it. SLA is hard work. Try and get to a local meeting or perhaps visit london for a few days to get meetings. In time you may even be able to set one up locally to yourself!
    Just sharing your thoughts helps you to let go of your addiction.
    Best wishes,
    Prof.
     
     

    Reply

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