sponsorship

Hi, I’m in Oxford and we do not have SLAA, i have just found this fellowship and feel i am at the back end of withdrawal, i desperately need, and am very keen to start the solution through step work. I have been in another fellowship for another addiction (NA) for 10 years next month, i have been doing online Skype meeting for this fellowship and havenot been able to get a help, i have added my details to outreach contact list but have not heard anything yet – i know this fellowship is strong in London but that is where my Q is and most of my acting out history and i don’t feel ready to be commuting in yet – look forward to your replies thank you

6 thoughts on “sponsorship

  1. lucy

    Hi, not sure if you’re still looking for SLAA stuff but I’m from Oxford and just went to my first meeting in London and absolutely loved it. It was incredibly helpful for me and I’m now looking into setting up an Oxford group, would you be interested in helping me? I was just going to put an ad on dailyinfo and see how much interest there is and go from there, but I’m a bit shy and would appreciate someone else chairing the meetings for me!

    Best,

    Lucy

    Reply
  2. Donald

    I think I also need a sponsorship, below is my story.

    I am in a 4 to 5 years relationship which is about to collapse.

    Let me start by mentioning that when I met my current partner I was involved in a relationship which had same problems (in a brink of collapse like the one I am currently in). We met at her work place, she was my client and she had her interests on me but I did not take notice until she made herself visible to me. We exchanged contact numbers and we started chatting. The relationship I was in full bitterness, frustration, depression, desperation and pain and difficult to cancel because of fear of being lonely. Like the current one.

    After a while of contacting each other, we finally met and I started cheating on my then partner with my current partner without telling my current partner that I am involved. After a while I finally ended the relationship with my then partner after starting an affair with my current one. In the beginning I thought it was just a fling, and will not mean anything but as time goes by I got attached to her despite our age difference. She is older than me and also that I was not comfortable with but still continued with the relationship. We spoke about it and we dealt with it.

    At the first stage of my current relationship like any other relationship I had, literally speaking, we jumped with happiness and we lived on cloud nine with happiness and joy. We feel the euphoria. I got emotionally involved, blindly, without even trying to get to know her as a person, her character, her inner world, values and flaws, her goals and preferences in life, her degree of socialization. I could not see no flaws, no imperfections in her when the relationship was. I just saw her as perfect and I could not notice and recognize the real person behind my dream and I could not recognize her true real attitude towards me.

    Things got going, I was staying at my house and she was staying at her house with her son at that time. She proposed that we move in together in her house because it was bigger and she was staying with his son. I was reluctant at first and tried to convince her to move to my house, as a man but after assessing I decided to rent out my house and move in her house with my furniture and stuff. I was not comfortable moving in to a woman’s house, in fact I was very skeptical that I kept some of my furniture to storage so that if we fail staying together I can take my stuff at the storage facility and move back to my house. Preparation of the worst or failure right there.

    I am the type of person who is very bad in communication, very bad in expressing my true feelings especially in relationships where I love (or blinded) someone. But outside, friends, colleagues and family really knows and accept me for who I am and communication is not a problem, not in relationships. Also I am the type of person who have been staying alone for a while, so moving with someone was a very big step and a big transition for me. Let me first explain what kind of person I am, I am social person. I like people around me, I like my alcohol and I like going out of which I could do it freely in my own house. Things changed when I moved in with her, so now I had to account my movements, etc which I am not used to. So I think the challenge started there.

    Eventually, slowly but steadily I began to see something new about her that I didn’t notice before. She had problems with me going out or coming home smelling of alcohol. When I ask her when you met me I was worse than what I was she told me she was not committed to me then and that I made think that she made a bad decision by choosing. In the beginning when I was staying by myself and her by herself, I could rock up anytime of the day/night and she would accept me in any state I would be in and be intimate with me without any problem , but now because I think we stay together it is a problem and I fail to understand that. And she also said I was leading a bad example to her son if I get drunk. So I am not comfortable drinking in the house so I would rather drink outside without being judged and when I come back at whatever time it will be a problem.

    Quarrels and constant conflicts often take the place of the euphoria and abandonment of the relationship resulted. She would be mad that I came very late and not talk to me for days, and I would apologize and repeat the same mistake again. Communication gets difficult as feelings ebb. Neither of us currently feel happy in this situation but since I think the relationship is based on psychological addiction and the need of the euphoria. I find it hard to end the relationship because I love her and fear to be alone and of losing her.

    Currently I am fighting for our relationship, hoping to bring her back – only to find that little satisfaction comes out of it as a new unhealthy cycle begins, based on previous offenses and rebukes produced by my wrong beliefs that we project on her, but also by my growing need for the euphoria. It is just for a short moment that we may feel that love is back, and is mutual and everything feels great, for just a moment – until all the previous offenses appear again. It happens regularly currently, where there is always tension in the house and if I go out it seems like I am making the problems worse but it is the same as staying indoors, we do not talk when she is angry of my traits or maybe her moods.

    I can say now it has been over 5 months without having sex, I am resorting to masturbation daily. I have been trying to be all nice (buying gifts, flowers, etc) to her in order to bring us back where we were when we started but it seems like we do not know each other and do not understand each other. I have been thinking of just moving back to my house, but I cannot because of the fear of being lonely, I have excuses not to move back to my house (moving would be messy because I will be taking my furniture of which we are both using currently, both parents know that we stay together and my parents likes a lot and her likes me the same). And also most importantly is a fear of losing her, and I can tell you when she is angry for my faults I get affected a lot until she get betters. I could easily say I find my joy when she is happy. I find my worth when she is happy. If not, I am a mess and I want to change that.

    So I have decided to challenge myself now because if I look back, the past 2 relationships ended like this where it was painful, depressing and resentful and I have moved on quickly after the past one without thinking. And I look at the current one, it is about to collapse because of the same reasons (my traits, going out, needy, alcohol, etc). I would like to fix it as I think the problem is mine.

    Currently my ego, confidence and self esteem are tarnished. I cannot reason with her, I cannot express my true feelings because of the fear of making her upset and losing her. I cannot come up with suggestions of fixing the problem. Each time I tell her about her support in matters she tells me we have talked about it and what would be different this time. Currently I would rather be at the streets than home because of the tension, and it increases the hurt. She is always on my mind, I always think of her, I make more efforts of communication (calls, texts, email, etc) more than her, when we have challenges I feel I am fighting alone and she is not doing any effort than only getting green even if it will be my fault. And I feel alone, and defeated.

    I am not sure if I am a Sex/Love Addict but from what I have read and researched I think I am an addict in one of those if not all. My happiness is dependent on her; I do not put myself first. I do not like disappointing her, even if it does not make me comfortable. I have bent enough and allowed many things to happen in other to make her happy, and want to control my addiction.

    I need to know if it is possible to fix myself even if I am in a relationship like this, and also if the problem lies totally on me.

    Lastly we have recently being having constant problems/differences (expected unhealthy cycle). I have started to communicate with an old friend of mine whom I wanted to start a relationship with a long time ago. She is going through a difficult relationship herself as well, I haven’t been honest with her by opening up that I have a partner and I am going through rough patch myself. We have been chatting; I see where it is leading (like the current, and the 2 others) where it would be a transition from one relationship to another. I have stopped our communication as I want to fix my current relationship and most importantly myself.

    I have contacted SLAA in South Africa to start attending the sessions; they have not yet got back to me and I hope they do as I would like to start as soon as possible.

    Sorry for the long story.

    Reply
  3. Patrick

    To Lucy and the previous person. I am also at a point in my recovery where I need to tackle some underlying issues around relationship, in fact I’m desperate to get help! I drove all the way to Amersham this morning because there is no Slaa meetings in Oxford. I would be more than happy to help set up and run an Oxford meetin in fact I know a few people that would be interested. Please give me a call so we could talk about how we go about it. Patrick 07587105442f

    Reply
  4. Al

    Hi, I am currently an NA member and have worked the steps through the green and gold. This hasn’t yet helped in certain areas, 1 of which is lust and relationships. I am thinking of giving SLAA a go as I have just started a new relationship n desperately want it to be healthy. Please let me know if a meeting has been started in Oxford or if not where the nearest 1 is. Many Thanks.

    Reply
  5. Jane

    Hi, I am also from Oxford. I am going to attend my first SLAA meeting in Amersham on Saturday. I have recognised that I have been a love addict for years. I never knew until this morning that SLAA existed. I wish I had. I don’t want to keep going down the same painful/destructive road I have become so familiar with.

    Patrick, I would be interested in helping you set up a support group in Oxford, if that’s still your intention?

    Reply

Leave a Reply to Al Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Time limit is exhausted. Please reload CAPTCHA.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.