I would appreciate some feedback please. I’ve only been to 1 meeting of slaa.
I am a alcoholic/addict in recovery. Over the years I have really struggled with romantic obsessions, dependency and also sexual addiction that has been so painful that I relapsed into drinking and using again.
It’s been about a year and a half since I’ve been in a relationship and I managed to work through and let go of the very destructive sexual addiction that I was involved in. I have felt settled and I rebuilt my life with a new career and moved to a new job. I’ve been there 4 months.
However, I met a girl who works there and have completely lost my mind and abandoned myself. I spent the first 2 months admiring her but thinking nothing of it. Actually, I in truth have a negative belief system about myself and was convinced she would never be interested in me! However, she pretty much asked me out and made it clear she liked me. We have been out 3 times and nothing physical has happened it’s been nice, gentle and fun.
But the truth is I thought about nothing else but her. I dream about her ever night, she’s on my mind 24/ 7 – I have made her into my higher power totally. Even though things have gone well and I should experience this as a wonderful thing to have happened to me as she is very beautiful inside and out I always end up feeling really negative convinced now she knows me she’s gone off me in-spite of the facts which prove beyond doubt my thinking is wrong.
Also, when I have a date with her or know we going out I’m totally deliriously happy – on top of the world and when it’s over I come down- crashing down badly. I have become totally addicted to the feelings I’ve even lost my appetite and feel tense and diseased.
I’m desperate to control what happens and have feelings If she is not in my life romantically my life isn’t worth living! I know this is madness but its my reality. What makes it hard is we work together so I find myself getting jealous and wanting her attention.
When I get it I’m up again and when I don’t I’m down and convinced she doesn’t like me.
My apologies for the long post but I can’t get to a meeting at the moment due to location and work schedule.