New to the fellowship

I am new to the fellowship, and have attended the first meeting this morning, in West London, Hinde Street.I am still working out whether I am indeed a love addict or both sex and love, I do know that I do seek being needed (as I feel worthless) by sacrificing my own needs and investing all my time and energy in that partner (I interestingly seem to find those that have an illness or some kind of trouble).  When the relationship does not work out, the feeling of worthlessness heightens and makes me seek out another partner even quicker.My background, I have been separated from my partner since Aug 08, it was an eight year marriage which was marred by affairs (on my part) as my emotional needs were not being fulfilled, (not only that but financial ones too).  The affairs gave me a release of tension and my troubles melted away, whilst with them.  I would fantasise they would come and rescue me, save me from my terrible life!  At the beginning of each relationship it would start well until they got close then I would start acting negatively as so they can end it and push me away and like any self fulfilling prophecy I feel like I am a terrible person and worthy of being loved.I feel this fellowship could offer me help.  I will continue to go to the meetings and try to talk to someone there!How do I recognize when I am feeling insecure and about to act negatively, sometimes this is out of my control and it just happens?

Thanks for listening. vp73

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