I’m new to the site and am in a bit of a mess. I’ve been in a relationship with a Love addict for 12 years. His issues are clearly from his relationship with his parents as a child. His sister has battled with eating disorders for years, if only that was his addiction I could perhaps be more supportive. I’m really struggling with the whole concept of the addiction, as it causes me so much pain, I know thats selfish because he struggles too. He has had a relationship with a girl on and off for the past 2 1/2 years, I say on and off because we have split up 3 times in that period and he has now admitted that on each of these occasions he has been “seeing” her. It has now come to light that he has always been in contact with her, which I find unbearable. He says its different with me because he loves me, truly truly loves me.
But am I a fix too? I don’t truly understand the issues although I try. He says he wants help. Does he really? Or is he enjoying what he does? I know he says he feels shame and detests himself but then if she is his fix, if the feelings are so negative then why “act out”? Please I know this is going to make some people scream that I don’t have the understanding of the condition, but thats why I’m here to try and understand, contemplating life without him makes me feel physically sick and I’m not sure which way to turn I find myself drinking too much smoking too much and not eating. If I have some understanding then maybe I can help him work through this and we can live happily ever after. Is that possible?
Not suffering from the addiction means I obviously see things differently and wonder if I’m just being taken for a mug and he will continue to cheat, be it thought text contact with her or physical contact with her. I want to help him I really do, he says he has the perfect life, a woman who loves him, a son, a dog, a lovely home, if things don’t work out with us, he will just be changing the circumstances but life will still be the same and he will continue to do what he does.
I’m feeling quite distraught and as a bit of a damaged child myself, feel the need to self harm, so airing my problems here has felt quite positive. Is there a future with an addict? Is it possible to overcome this, if so I’m sticking around, if not I need to think of myself and my son, who is 14 and at that age where I worry he will be damaged by whats going on around him.
Thanks for listening