I just cant believe that I am here again. I really thought that after many many various therapy sessions, 12 step meetings (though not for about 6 years) I would not have to suffer the pain of love rejection again. You see it all seemed so fated and real. I didnt meet him on the internet or in a bar whilsed pissed. No he was the kind caring soul who knocked on my door when my kitten got run over and killed. I didnt take much notice as i was so upset but he put a card through my door next day saying how sorry he was. He left his number so i rang to say thanks properly. We had a brief conversation and i found out he was divorced, lived round the corner (what a nightmare that has turned out to be), into same music, is a singer, guitarist, song writer in band ( how seductive!), nice looking, spiritual. We ended up texting. All very innocent and sweet dont you think. Finally he invited me round to hear some of his songs. I was gutted to see a joint rolled ready on the table. Gave that up 17 years ago after heavy use. It quickly transpired he was a fairly heavy drinker, was totally honest about commitment issues to relationships,still had toxic sounding relationship with ex wife. In other words the writing was on the wall so why did i go there. By the time i ever went round there I had formed the perfect loving relationship in my head and then (no doubt helped by smoking dope and drinking a lot) consummated the relationship with the most passionate sex I have ever had. We carried on like this for 2 months then he suddenly stopped texting me (well he didnt ever bother phoning) Luckily I fear further rejection too much to ring him. Will really try not to engage with him if he contacts me. Not look up at his flat that I pass daily (twice ) taking girls to school. Not look at his photos on band web site. My life is in chaos. Crying in front of my girls. Irritable. Not sleeping. Cant concentrate. Started smoking again. Poor work performance. Am getting out all old 12 step literature which is helping a lot. What I am trying to say is that this painful experience came from nowhere…I wasnt looking for anyone. Just praying that this doesnt trigger off a depression. its just not fair on my family. Not to mention unprotected sex.! During this time I had 2 family bereavements and had just spilt up with my 2 year long boyfriend. I think this contributed. Can anyone relate to this? Just praying to my higher power daily.