LOVE AND INTRIGUE

I just cant believe that I am here again. I really thought that after many many various therapy sessions, 12 step meetings (though not for about 6 years) I would not have to suffer the pain of love rejection again. You see it all seemed so fated and real. I didnt meet him on the internet or in a bar whilsed pissed. No he was the kind caring soul who knocked on my door when my kitten got run over and killed. I didnt take much notice as i was so upset but he put a card through my door next day saying how sorry he was. He left his number so i rang to say thanks properly. We had a brief conversation and i found out he was divorced, lived round the corner (what a nightmare that has turned out to be), into same music, is a singer, guitarist, song writer in band ( how seductive!), nice looking, spiritual. We ended up texting. All very innocent and sweet dont you think. Finally he invited me round to hear some of his songs. I was gutted to see a joint rolled ready on the table. Gave that up 17 years ago after heavy use. It quickly transpired he was a fairly heavy drinker, was totally honest about commitment issues to relationships,still had toxic sounding relationship with ex wife. In other words the writing was on the wall so why did i go there. By the time i ever went round there I had formed the perfect loving relationship in my head and then (no doubt helped by smoking dope and drinking a lot) consummated the relationship with the most passionate sex I have ever had. We carried on like this for 2 months then he suddenly stopped texting me (well he didnt ever bother phoning) Luckily I fear further rejection too much to ring him. Will really try not to engage with him if he contacts me. Not look up at his flat that I pass daily (twice ) taking girls to school. Not look at his photos on band web site. My life is in chaos. Crying in front of my girls. Irritable. Not sleeping. Cant concentrate. Started smoking again. Poor work performance. Am getting out all old 12 step literature which is helping a lot. What I am trying to say is that this painful experience came from nowhere…I wasnt looking for anyone. Just praying that this doesnt trigger off a depression. its just not fair on my family. Not to mention unprotected sex.! During this time I had 2 family bereavements and had just spilt up with my 2 year long boyfriend. I think this contributed. Can anyone relate to this? Just praying to my higher power daily.

5 thoughts on “LOVE AND INTRIGUE

  1. AliMary Post author

    Hi Anna, I can relate to your plight. Two years ago, I met a man at work that I was so attracted to. He made my head spin and like you I had formed the perfect relationship in my head. I din’t really consider the fact that he had been married for over 10 years, was seperated and was actually trying to repair his marriage whilst still living with her.We embarked on a passionate affair for a year. I was in turmoil but completely addicted to the sex and passion. I just couldn’t get enough. I didn’t feel right unless I’d seen him. I dumped him umm about seven times but always went back. In the end, I just couldn’t any more and found solace in another man. He became a very good friend, it was also like a relationship (non-sexual) But in the end, he became compulsive, obsessive and manically jealous of my relationship with this guy. So in the end I had to break that relationship about a month ago. A week ago I found myself thinking about this married man again. So I called him and we met him and now I feel that I have totally lost control. I managed to keep away from him for 4 months. and have have managed to abstain from sleeping with him. But it is a nightmare as I work in the same building as him and he keeps coming up to my office and tormenting me with his prescence. It is so hard when you feel tied to these people. I think a lot of it comes down to low self esteem and a massive fear of rejection. I have never been to an SLA meeting before, but am intending to soon as I feel I need help and support from other people like myself. I think there are a lot of us out there. Good Luck and be kind to yourself and do nice things for yourself even if you do have slip ups. That’s what I try and do. AliMary

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  2. thegothicfrogs Post author

    HiI’ve been having an affair with my boss for almost a year. Her husband found out and she told him it had finished. I’ve left my wife and 2 kids and now rent this place. It helps my addiction as my boss and I come here several times a week. When she goes home to her husband ( who is depressed and has very low self-esteem), I become depressed and feel low (surprise). I just found out my boss had an affair for 12 years previously to me – I found out accidently. This was someone else at work.I was mad at first, but she talked me round. She has 100% control. I need to change this or my life if at risk.Weirdly and disturbingly, this adds to my sexual compulsion. Although I feel wildly jealous, I am also hugely attracted still. I’m having counselling and hypnotherapy sessions and have lots of support from family and friends. I agree that if you work with the person you desire, the situation can be incredibly difficult. If I get through this and can salvage my marriage I’ll be happy. I want peace and normality back. This is hell. Hope and keep hoping. Nothing stays constant.Jimmy D

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  3. colatoner Post author

    Today is my first day. I’m married 10 yrs with 2 children. This year I had an affair and now i can’t stop. I want it all the time. Even in places where people know me. I had sex in a parking lot with a man 10 yrs younger with my car seat in the back and people saw us. This is way to out of control. And I also obsess over these men, and when I’m or they are done I have no problem moving on and replacing that love fantsay to another man. Also I have a wonderful husband. Kind, attentive and a great father…..Why am I doing this? Also Ive lost 35 pounds. I never think of eating just men.

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  4. Fergus Post author

    Hi colatowner you may or may not be a sex and love addict but one of the things you said got me wondering if your sexualbehaviour might be related to another issue. The fact that you mentioned that you don’t eat may indicate a few different treatable health conditions. However you need to talk to a doctor about it. Your comment made me think about a few things that I have read in a number of books on sexual addiction. I cannot mention these on here as we are not supposed to talk about other therapies. Your may indeed be a sex and love addict but it is worth exploring all issues. You would be very welcome in Slaa while your working this all out and you will find non-judgemental support and fellowship. Your not alone colatowner.

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