I think i have a problem….. i have no idea how to start to solve it…..

much like a few people i’ve seen here I’m the last person anyone would ever suspect had a sex addiction…. but after scoring 36/40 on self diagnosis tests and even the fact i now think i need help… means i probably do.Im female,27, professionally very successful… i live with my partner of 6 years and have a good relationship… however i have never been faithful to anyone since i became sexually active at 17.  I don’t look like the type and i suppose im quiet and keep this part of myself distant from all my family and friends. My partner has no idea… but ive lost count of the amount of times ive been unfaithful to him…. im always safe… but its like i cant stop myself. I’ve had multiple partners at the same time, sex only… i know if i want sex then i have now over 40 men in my phone that i can just call…. it wasn’t until i started counting up and realised that wasn’t good. I cant help myself, i need and crave the attention… but i now don’t understand why, my partner is supportive and loves me but i feel live i am living a separate life… i’ve done things that afterwards ive promised myself never to do again… then less than a week later i’m there again… i’ve jepordised my job, my relationship… a few times my safety putting myself into situations for sex… and i don’t understand why and find it hard to stop.I don’t know where to go for help, but i don’t feel normal anymore… i don’t really feel anything anymore… and after the last stupid situation i got myself i need help but until now… have been a little too spineless to admit it to anyone…even myself.

vixen82

2 thoughts on “I think i have a problem….. i have no idea how to start to solve it…..

  1. Fergus Post author

    It is obvious that if you think you have a problem then you probably have Try to get to a slaa meeting or one of the other fellowships related to sex or love addiction if there is no slaa meeting in your area. The fact that you say you can’t help yourself seems to clearly indicate that “your life has become unmanageable”. Therefore you have two clear options. Continue with your present compartmentalized life or get into recovery. I have been attending SLAA and another S-Fellowship since Easter and I must say I have never felt better about myself, my relationship and my general well-being and self-respect that I though would never recover has started to return. You have not been spineless as you say. You reached out to SLAA by coming on this website and you also have admitted however reticent that you have a problem with sex and relationships. You have already started to recover Vixen82. I wish you well and will pray for you at this time. You are not alone. You are not a freak. You are however a victim of a “cunning and baffling” illness. You didn’t cause it, you cant control it and you cant cure it but you can stop co-operating with it and recover just one day at a time. Much love in fellowship.

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  2. grace1 Post author

    Hi, I wanted to respond to you as I got so much identification from your story and really feel for the place you are in at the moment. Like you I have never been faithful to anyone since I became sexually active 18 years ago, this includes my ex husband and all long term partners. Much like you it was the craving for the attention and the affirmation that I was wanted and desirable that was the pay back for me, the sex was relatively unimportant, it was needing to know that men wanted me that drove me on. For me, therefore what was manifesting itself as sex addiction was just as much about my love addiction and the believe that through sex I could find the love that I craved. I also wanted to say to you that you are not spineless, you are really brave, this is perhaps the hardest addiction to face up to especially if you have not come to it via another fellowship and the fact you have shared what is going on for you and want to stop is a really courageous thing. I echo the other comment posted here, the solution really does lie with the fellowship and the program. I came in to slaa a few months ago and threw myself into the meetings and started working the program. I work the SLAA HOW program as it is a more structured approach, requires a lot of discipline and really guides and holds you when you most need it. To work this program you are required to have a sponsor to work with you and I have found this to be a great source of support. I don’t know where you live but if you are in london there are so many fantastic meetings which I am sure will give you so much identification. There is also some great literature out there which I have found to be a real help. I would strongly suggest getting to a meeting asap, it is suggested that you attend six meetings before making a commitment to work the program. Its hard work, but it is so worth it. I was on my knees and suicidal when I came into slaa and although its early days my sense of despair has now been replaced by the hope that there is an answer and that it lies with this fellowship. I wish you all the best, remember you are not on your own in this and it does get better.

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