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How to deal with my addiction...... Newbie :o(
Hi all, this is my first post on the forum and I`m hoping to get insights into my problem which has affected my relationship with my gf and I really want to overcome this hurdle. I seem to not be able to get rid of my obsession with porn and (v.embarassed to say it!) masturbation. This i guess started when I was young and naive at high school, and really grew worse after I left uni and came back to live at home leaving most of my friends up north and not much of a social circle for a while during the time I was looking for work and starting out. So I think for a few years I became addicted to the joys of the internet and to this day I have compulsive urges to view porn now and again. We live together so I don`t really use the internet at all at home but managed to find other ways of looking at things sadly.I have been with my current gf for 3 years now and during this time I have been completely faithful to her and have not laid a finger on another girl, but I still have the urge to use magazines, the internet on my mobile phone to name a few things. My gf is very beautiful, we live together and have a really good sex life, but now and again I still have the urge to act out like this and I`m finding it hard to stop. I really want to try as my gf has found out a few times I have acted out by finding newspapers and images on my phone after i told her i would stop and it has come to the crunch. I feel really bad as she has taken it in the worst way ever and finds herself unattractive and all sorts even though i reassure her how amazing she is in every way, and this in no way means anything or comes before having sex with her, but I`m finding it hard to make her come round.Would be grateful for any help and advice on how I can (1) try and overcome this obsession and (2) try and reassure and make my gf understand this isn`t personal to her at all.Thanks All.........
hi Sal1978Thanks for your
hi Sal1978Thanks for your post. I can relate entirely to what you have just written, having suffered from the same issues for the past 25 years. The internet has become a very attractive place to use and I know just how difficult it is to put down. There are a few points I would make...Firstly, create an environment in which it becomes very difficult to use. I block all our computers and also the router (as I have found ways around the computer filters), I have a mobile phone on T-mobile ( They have built in filtering at their end so I cant use on the 3g network - consider getting your wife to set up a t mobile account for you. you cant use even if you want to).Secondly. Its very important to be honest at all times with the GF. Honesty serves two purposes. Firstly, your wife will grow in trust in you. As you havent acted out, she will trust you more and more. Likewise if you do act out, she knows you will tell her before she finds out for herself which will be heart breaking. Secondly it starts to act as a deterrent. Do you really want the pain of telling her that you have acted out again???Thirdly. You need to start showing a commitment to yourself, no one else, that you want to stop. I attend several SLAA HOW meetings a week. I have pointed out to my wife, that this keeps me sober. I have taken her to a meeting, showed her how it works and encouraged her to be involved with my recovery as much as I can. I start to have faith that I can change, that I can stop, by attending meetings.Fourthly, one of the most useful things of the groups are finding like minded people to talk to and outreach to. I call one friend every morning for a chat. He has suffered similar issues and is also in recovery. Its funny how if you get any triggering feelings out in the open so early on in the day, how much better I feel.I wish you all the best, but above all, keep it up.Prof