I am so sorry about you pain anonguy. However the truth is that you have givenover yourself and your power to this woman. I do identify with much of what you have written. I too lost my sanity and nearly lost my life when my partner rejected me. Try to get to meetings you cannot reason this out with this woman but you cangain some sense of self by sharing with other people who have gone through similar experiences. You are not alone. Dying is not the answer and living while having it's ups and downs is certainly a better and safer bet than the alternative. You just haveto recover and gain yourself one day at a time. You will get support and help if youare willing to accept it. If there are no Slaa meetings in your home area go to anyof the fellowships that deal with family or emotional issues. If there are none of these put a notice on here and try to find others in your areawho will start a meeting with you. You are in my thoughts today. Best wishes.