Mis-stepping, step thirteen Step dance:        Step twelve for you.  Step one for me.   Step twelve for you.   Step thirteen no.  Step twelve for you. Step one for me.          I 've been in SLAA now for a couple of months. I never knew of the fellowship until a kind friend in another fellowship suggested I consider attending a meeting. To this day I am grateful for that conversation.  I went to a meeting, got a sponsor and I am now on step four.  One thorn in my side remains- my relationship with this person. At times it has become obsessional for me.  On their side there have been small indiscretions, and they have taken some liberty with my body space. On my side htere have been indiscretions,  gift given and more time spent with them one to one before and after meeting then appropriate within fellowship relationship. I do think they have something going on with me though when confronted they have denied it.   So I am left with bottomlining them, thinking carefully about what meetings to attend and where to sit etc- all of it taking loads of energy that would/might go into recovery, actually I guess the energy is going into recovery.    I recently twelve stepped someone in and just yesterday received an invitation from them to a xmas party.   That perplexed me and I went away to think about it and talk to my sponsor. I don't think that person would ever have invited me to the function if I hadn't twelve stepped them into SLAA.  I wonder if there is a link between  the step twelve for you- step one for me dyad, that needs to be considered very carefully in terms of vunerability to co-dependency.  I can see why that person might wish to thank me and inviting me might be a gesture of that, similarly it may be an expectation that I will in some way fill that hole of the addiction they are currently in withdrawal from.   I look now to my relationship to the person that stepped me in and have more respect for the risk they took in the action they took with me. I know when I see them again there will be less expectation from me and conversely I won't be the fawning grateful one. I will always be grateful but hopefully, alongside the respect I have for them I will also acknowledge and respect the time I have put into recovery, not attributing it all to them.      I am happy to say that I seeem to be really winning on this wanting with this person. I saw him again last night with the benefit of some really good advice (from a non- SLAA person mind you ) on how to deal with wanting or craving with inappropriate people. The first part was gratitudes- the idea being that we spenemd so little time really aware of what we have and are grateful for that we forget what we've got and end up in a fantasy world of wanting- have to say the media doesn't help with this. The next part was respect, that we respect far too little and if we took the time to truly look and respect the other person and ourselves we wouldn't be loppling off into fields of fancy.  When I saw this person again last night the respect thing in particular had made a huge difference to my attitude toward him. Afterall, what thanks was I giving someone that has only helped me by probably complicating his life and recovery? It has really put the whole thing in context for me. Joyful in hope, patient in affliction and faithful in prayer.