Our RSS feed
self-destruct newbie emergency.
hey all,I think that i have a problem with sexual/emotional compulsion, and i find myself frequently using sexual and emotional relationships to manipulate others, and tonight my chickens have come home to roost. After a recent break-up with my girlfriend, i foolishly went to one of my ex's and kissed her and asked if she wanted to go on a date with me, coz i was so scared of being alone. She said no, and during the subsequent week i have been trying to patch it up with my girlfriend, and we have been getting to quite a healthy place, when the ex tells my girlfriend about what happened.She has freaked out, told me that i've broken her heart and she never wants to see me again, and i feel devistated. I have totally screwed my own life up, and i feel like the most hateful person in the world. I am writing this trying not to act on my compulsions but they are swirling around me. I wanted to try to go to a meeting tomorrow, but i dont know if t's appropriate to just drop in for the first time looking for hardcore help. Also i was planning on going to the LGBT group on thurs, but i really dont thing i can wait that long... is it foolish to go to two different groups?Any help, or advice, or just anyone to talk to would be appreciated.
Your in the right place. I
Your in the right place. I attend the wednesday night meeting and sometimesthe LGBT meeting in central london. The wednesday night meeting is very friendlyif you are near kings road chelsea it is worth a visit. The lgbt meeting is great and it is good to share with other lgbt people as well as the straight people who feel they are welcome in the meeting. U R not a hateful person. Your fear of being aloneis leading you to do and say things that you would not do if your were not afraid of being alone. You can find help in slaa and other fellowships. All goodfor working through the issues. I am a gay man and used sex to get my emotional hitNever really cared that much about the sex but the feeling of being wanted/desired waswhat made me keep running back to the illness. I have been in slaa since easter. It has notall been easy but it is a million times better than my life before slaa. Your not alone. Your not bad, your just caught up in something that you cannot manage on your own reaching out like this is the start of your recovery. Get to as many meetings as you can. I am sending you good thoughts and prayers. X Fergus.
Thanks Fergus, I can totally
Thanks Fergus, I can totally relate to the drive to feel wanted/desired, fuling the compulsion, i got that written all over me. I apreciate yr support mate.My friends have been telling me that it will get easier, and i'm trying to take it one day at a time, but i'm struggling to get through a couple of hours.. I hope it does get easier, because i can feel my behaviour pattern trying to kick in, and i am trying to resist it, but i dont think i'm strong enough at the moment.Wednesday meeting sounds wonderful, sadly i live in south east london and work nights in central, but will be attending tonight, and probably thursday if i can make it that far.. Wish me luck.x monkey
Your welcome but regardless
Your welcome but regardless of how things work out with you and your love interest, the problem won't go away until you deal with the issues that make you fearful to be alone. I must say just admitting that I was absolutely terrified ofbeing abandoned or alone was the start of my recovery. I felt so ashamed that an adult man couldn't "stand on my own two feet". Since coming to slaa I have spotted so many people living in terrible and destructive relationships and unable to be on their own. I realised that an awful lot of people are in the same boat as me and others. The only difference between us and those outside the fellowships is that we are aware and out of our denial. I could never go back to how I was. I might try and my disease might try to trap me back there but underneath I know I just couldn't go back. So regardless of how hard the withdrawal is and it is very hard some days I intend to stick with my recovery and slaa. You are not alone. The negative force might tell you that you are but believe me I have never felt less alone in my life. You have my prayers and my good wishes and thoughts telltaleheart. Fergus.