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Hi everyoneI couldn't believe it when I came across the SLAA website, and read the self diagnosis. It's like someone had been reading my mind and publishing it on the internet!I'm a very successful career woman in my mid 20's, with a fantastic family and friend network, and yet I am constantly involved with a string of men that I hope will end up being 'the one'.Over the past few weeks alone I have slept with an old friend, a few men I have met on an internet dating site, a guy I met in a bar, my ex-boyfriend, and a married man in his late 40's, with whom I've been having an affair for months.The thing is, I don't think that it is the sex that I want or need. It is instead the idea that at that moment in time, I am the only person that matters to whoever I am with, for that time I am loved and wanted.I know I need to stop. I have become infactuated with my married lover, and yet I know that he is not good for me. This issue prevents me having male friends, because after a short space of time I will have slept with them and ruined our relationship.There are no meetings near me, so I guess I thought that maybe the forum would help. I don't expect replies, in fact I'd be surprised if you were still reading, but it has even helped just to write this now.Thank you x
Hi Littlemiss,I relate
Hi Littlemiss,I relate entirely to what you have written. It seems to me that you have a love addiction. The need to feel loved. I am a love addict and find myself being totally infactuated by women (Im male) who are inappropriate for me.Often being emotionally unavailable to me makes it all the more of a challenge to "try and win them". Accepting that you have a problem in this area is the first step of recovery. Half the battle is accepting that you have a problem, the other half, figuring out how to get better from it.Probably you find tht your self esteem feels better while you are with these guys and that you then have massive withdrawals. you are constantly trying to "top up" your self esteem by having sex. However, look it in a different way... If you actually said "no" to the married guy, sure you will feel worse and in withdrawal from him, however, imagine how you would feel a week or so later? Likely to have a better self esteem than just by acting out. I certainly have a better self esteem of myself when I am clean than when I am constant topping up when acting out!Best of luck and do try and get to a meeting one day.Prof.
Although I am a gay man I
Although I am a gay man I can indentify with a lot of what you say. For me alsothe sex was always my payment, sometime fun often not so much for me, to the guysI was involved with. It is only now that I am able to think about having gay men as friends without the sexual part clouding the friendship. So although our gendersand sexuality is different the issue is the same. I identify as a love addict who usedsex as my way of getting my emotional fix namely attention and desire from someone else. Your not alone and do try to get to a meeting. No one asks you to do or say anything. You can just sit and listen and see if you identify with others. They say "take what you like and leave the rest" in most 12 step fellowships and I am glad I was able to do this. I used to be plagued with feelings of depression and suicidal thoughts. Since I came to slaa I have not even had one brief moment of feeling depressed. So something is right. Good luck and keep sharing online if you cant get to a meeting. Your not a freak and your not unusual a lot of people share your issues.