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I'm only 21 is this possible?
I don't know how to start, but I am currently at university. Recently started chatting to a guy who I have always known to say hello to but never spoken to properly before, and we connected amazingly. We started just chatting on MSN and both grew to like each other so so much, it was going really well, so a week ago after a few dates the week before hand decided to embark on a relationship together which was great, connected amazingly, decided not to embark on a sexual relationship for a while, which was new to me, and had for the first time been completely open and honest with how I felt to someone. However the conversation of sexual history hadnt come up, although I knew he had had several long term serious relationships, and I had only ever been with two people I count as a relationship, one of those the guy had another girlfriend, that I knew about, for 18 months of it, but because he was my best friend in the entire world I believed him when he gave me reasons he couldnt break up with her and promised me things he couldnt keep. We eventually got together officially for a while until I went to university, and then one day he just stopped speaking to me and I found out he had got back with his ex. The other was a marine who I had known for ages, only slept with the once before he went back to afghanistan but heard from him via text and email and stuff and then he was killed out there and I had a breakdown, more at what could have been. Thing is with this recent guy who I really really like, and who I know likes me too I told him the fact I had slept with 45 people, and he freaked out. I had hoped that he would value my honesty, and see that I have tried to change and in the past year have only slept with 2 people, one with whom it was repeated regularly and the other was a one night stand, even tho he had gotten to know me and who I am he said he could never get involved in a physical relationship with me because he would feel dirty, and just imagine all the other people and whether he was better etc, not to mention my slightly mental side (past history of depression, self harming, suicide attempts and very very low self image). I asked him about what I should do in the future and he said lie, and that even though a relationship cant work based on lies it also would freak any guy out to know the truth about my history. I feel like I am doomed to be alone forever, and if thats the case all I can think about doing is going to clifton bridge and jumping off because whats the point of living. Every encounter hurts so much, especially when I have got this attatched, I cant deal with more of them. If I am this hurt after a week what would I be like after a few years. I cant stand to feel like this and cant imagin there being any other way out then the bridge. I have an exam tomorrow and I cant concentrate on revision, I dont even care about it. I find it worrying how much more I care about him then the rest of my life. please help does anyone understand and know how I feel or am I strange, especially at such a young age? I dont have the strength to carry on anymore.
i dont think the
i dont think the difficulties everyone on here are affected by your age. i had no idea what sex addiction was until i realised i had one a year ago. but thinking back i can see that i.ve had it since my mid-teens. So yes i think it's possible at 21 and you are fortunate to be confronting things at a young age. Wish i had. i.ve only been on this site 2 weeks, but i.ve managed to abstain from all of my bad behaviours by thinking one day at a time. It almost sounds too simple but it works so far and i.ve seen others say the same. I find checking this site every day helps me remind myself what i'm trying to do and that's it not just me. For your exams, dont give up. make the effort to get there on time and focus on some basic structure. It's just getting down what you know. Opening, middle and end. And make sure the opening and end say the same. Good luck to you
It seems to me that if
It seems to me that if relationships/dependency/sex/avoidance is affecting you this badly then SLAA is possibly the right place for you. In my opinion I believe thatdis-ease does not respect age, gender, sexual orientation etc. If your power is beinghanded over to other people so easily then it seems that something isn't working for you. I myself realised that I use sex/emotional stuff to deaden my feelings and to alleviate the numbness that I often have. I have been attending slaa meeting now for about a monthI must say they have been very helpful. I have set some bottom line behaviours that I feel are not help/or harmful to me and am trying to live one day at a time. To be honest sometimesI have to break it down to one half hour at a time. I try to do what I need to do and not get too hung up on what might be. None of us has a crystal ball and only God knows what the futurewill bring. However if I can have a good life, just for today and not live outside the moment then I am finding I am having two good days, three good days and even a week of good days. I would never have thought I could give up recreational sex but I have. I instead am focussing on being the best and most honest partner I can be to myself and my partner. I have realised that no one or nothingcan fill the big hole that I have inside. It must be an inside job so at the moment I am trying to love myselfby looking after myself, doing as little harm and as much good for others and living in the day. Your studies are important. It might not seem like it now in the maelstrom but focussing on what is important to you just for this day up until your exams is important. When I was studying I broke it down into tiny bites and I got through. Youalready have the knowledge that you need. Don't panic and try to focus just for a half hour, then another, then another. You are not alone laura.