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Married to a sex addict
After I discovered another affair, and with the help of a Relate counsellor, my husband recognised he is a sex addict. We've looked for local help - for both him and me. We live near Milton keynes and although there is a group in Toddington its not for couples. He's attended once and plans to go back. I feel so helpless - I don't know what I'm supposed to do or how to act. I love the guy, I love being married to him, but he says that unless he gets help, he knows he'll do it again and again...casual sex, internet porn, affairs with work colleagues, cruising in shopping centres etc. I know he is trying hard to change but I can see it's an addiction - and I don't know if I'm reinforcing his behaviours. I can't believe I'm the wife of the only sex addict in Milton Keynes - can anyone offer any advice about how we can get more help? (relate counsellor doesn't know of any groups.) I'm trying my hardest to be supportive but the level of betrayal and mistrust is almost incapacitating - any advice at all, anything, would be so welcome. Thank you.
The most important thing to
The most important thing to do is to keep yourself safe and maybe educate yourself about the illness. It's very difficult not to take a sex and love addict behaviour personnally. His action are not a reflection of who and what you are. Unfortunetly at the moment there are no CO-SLAA meetings in the Uk, but in our fellowships text there is a chapter called, "Living With a Sex and Love Addict", of which you may or may not identify with. My partner found support at Anolon and Coda meetings. You should be able to find meetings list for those fellowships online. Other good books to read: THE LANGUAGE OF LETTING GO- MELODY BETTIE, CODEPENT NO MORE - MELODY BETTIE,THE BETRAYAL BOND - PATRICK KARNES, FACING LOVE ADDICTION- PIA MELODY.
The most important thing to
The most important thing to do is to keep yourself safe and maybe educate yourself about the illness. It's very difficult not to take a sex and love addict behaviour personnally. His action are not a reflection of who and what you are. Unfortunetly at the moment there are no CO-SLAA meetings in the Uk, but in our fellowships text there is a chapter called, "Living With a Sex and Love Addict", of which you may or may not identify with. My partner found support at Anolon and Coda meetings. You should be able to find meetings list for those fellowships online.
There is a book called 'The
There is a book called 'The Addictive Personality' by Craig Nakken. Personally I found it was an amzing view into the addictive process. It might help you understand how your husband got to where he is now and I guess just maybe that could help you stand by him as he gets help.
Have you checked out one of
Have you checked out one of the groups that is set up for partners of addicts?S- anon and COSA are both for partners of sex addicts. CODA for those whose lives are dominated by another's addiction.Both of you are just half an hour out of London, and there are many SLAA meetings here, as well as CODA, S- anon and COSA I think.You could also try Al- anon open meetings: I know of several partners of sex addicts who get help there.
Don't know if you've sorted
Don't know if you've sorted anything out yet? It could seem like a big ask for him to be going to meetings in London, but believe me its worth it! A once a week meeting in a sex addicts fellowship can be supplemented by other means such as online support, AA or other fellowship meetings and by him getting a temporary sponsor. Hope that helps and best of luck to you both, there is help out there :)There is a SAA meeting in Banbury
May I say that the
May I say that the Toddington meeting is execellent! I too live not so far away (herts) and als otravel regularly to London meetings.Try and encourage him to attend one of those meetings. Also there are now rumours of a central MK group being set up.Prof.