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Very new to this help!!!!!!
Hello to you all. I am very new to this. I almost don't want to admit to this problem! even though it causes me so much pain. My problem is finding it hard to let go, end relationships. In the past if I ended 1 relationship it would not be very long before i was in another. Each relationship would go on for longer than was healthy and even though I was not happy I could not end the relationship. I look back at my life and relationships and I feel very sad. I have had relationships because men have wanted to have them, not really because I have wanted to but then I fall in love like after 2 days. I then say I love you, when I don't even know the person. Just writing this makes me feel terrible because hardly anyone knows. My latest thing is ringing and texting my ex-partner. We actually split up permanently last November 07 but I seem to be able to get him back with the lure of a text which is sexual. I don't want to do that anymore though as my self esteem is on the floor. We went out together for nearly 8 years, very on and off,always with me ending the relationship because of one thing or another and I would always after about 4-5 weeks panic and then start texting etc again with sexual texts. He would then re-engage, I would then jump back into the relationship, he would then start backing away, I would get all needy when he didn't ring for afew days, I would then get insecure and angry and he would say I was smothering him and that it was not working and I would then tell him to F off and put the phone down. And then the drama would start again weeks later. This time I have texted but I havent been sexual. I don't want to go back there either but it's like a blooming drug!!!!!!!! Help me please. I have told him what I am trying to do and he has been very supportive of it which kinda make me want him back again!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!!! Some advice please.
Hi MADASA,Your last sentence
Hi MADASA,Your last sentence is the one that struck a chord with me. The fact that this chap has been very supportive of your choice in wanting to get help is, for me a plus point. I will add that I am no authority on this in any shape or form. I have this week acknowledged my problem to myself - and on Thursday I was on the phone making call after call to advice lines, sex therapists, the NHS and the priory.I also had a lovely chat with a great guy who returned my voice mail when I rang SLAA. He told me the fact that I had acknowledged my addiction and firstly being honest with myself was a good step. So youve done that one already. I would suggest talking to your ex. Maybe meet for a coffee and a chat. Be honest... I say be honest as I know its the only way to be. Yes some times the truth does hurt. And I have been honest to myself but have yet to be honest with my ex - who I am wanting to win back. I watched a movie this afternoon (hancock) and in it there was a scene between Jason Bateman and his wife, played by charlize Theron. In the scene they were lying on their bed and just smiling and enjoying each others company... nothing sexual, just loving between two adults... this scene made me think... this is what or how love should be. They weren't kissing or doing anything sexual... but you could tell there was a connection between them... in the spiritual sense... Not a physical sexual connection.The abilty to be at one with yourself is key Madasa. Now I am not going to go all freaky on you... but there is a movie called The Celestine Prophecy. It has a few well known actors in it (i.e The Hotel Manger from Pretty Woman and the Dr Lass from Prison Break) I think it might be good if you can get a dvd or get the book. Its about inner fulfillment and how you need to fill whole yourself - as in if your ex doesn't call. Don't sweat it... If he calls he calls... I will say its all very well me saying this... because the thing is - I have been there where you are... having the rug pulled from under you... wanting to get your ex back... texting them, calling them... I dont know if any of the above helps... but this is my take on things at 1am.Anyway I need to log off and get some sleep.... Night.
Hey MADASA. I can see what
Hey MADASA. I can see what you must be going through, I've been the same in going back into the same destructive relationships. Whats the longest you've been when single? Do you feel you HAVE to be in a relationship? It's almost like we know we can lure them back with sexual texts and we like the power (which is silly because of course they are going to take us up on the offer lol) and we plough on in head first like a bull in a china shop knowing full well we'll be the one who will end up getting hurt..You need to work on your self-esteem, you are a great person and you don't need to be in a relationship-especially a destructive one-to feel valued or worthy. I keep in the back of my mind how much greater life would be without the drama and complications I keep making for myself! Because WE are the ones who bring it on ourselves most of the time! And I tell you what, it's took me 33 years to figure that simple thing out. ANd I intend to change because I want a better life for myself and good relationships. If such a thing exist! (Hark at me the cynic) Let us know how you're doing :)