bouncing of the walls
Hi im new to this fellowship. I got introduced to this fellowship four days ago after years in the others hitting rock bottoms one after the other. Finding myself married with four young children. Lost jobs and once again in the same old place due to my behaviours. I havent got a sponser yet and really am desperate to start. Its been a really bad day i tried calling a couple of people but they werent able to get back to me. I have been abstinent from my botom line behaviours and my feeling are so all over the place. I reacted really badly to my feelings of being rejected by my wife ( she was just haveing a bad day) i feel so scared inside and lonley now i have stopped my sexual acting out ( anorexic type). I have all this needyness and fear inside that i have never showed. I dont know what to do... my relationship with my wife is in tatters because of the years of insanity. I dont know what to do with this terror.ThanksODAAT
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Hi ODAAT, welcome. I've only
Hi ODAAT, welcome. I've only been a member for a few weeks so I'm not all that sure how to go about this myself either, but I do know that I've had the same problems as you, losing at relationships because of what we do. I'm at your stage too, resolutely AVOIDING all sexual contact or putting myself into any kind of position where this could happen. Trouble is, I have no support either (I've posted here but no-one's answered as yet) and don't know what to do now. You don't say whether or not your wife knows about your addiction? It's such a hard thing to talk about to your loved one, and to explain. It's horrible when we get rejected, as we take it so personally, then it starts the whole bad feelings about ourselves thing off, which then leads to going out and 'making ourselves feel better'. Please, if you're trying to get better, don't do this! It will come back and bite you harder on your ass in the end, as we all know! Who have you got for support? I haven't got a sponsor either, plus there's no meetings in my area so am kinda stuck in limbo. Write back and let me know how its going. Good luck.
Thanks for the reply, i have
Thanks for the reply, i have begun being honest with my wife but she has been throughso much that she has got nothing to give. I had a couple of numbers and was able to get support. I also have got a sponser who i am beginning with next week after travelling to a couple of meetings. I hope that your able to get more support to. I was ringing peoplei didnt know... writing online . i found that writing helped even if people dont get back so keep in touch too.
Hi Odaat, Hi Lostgirl, I can
Hi Odaat, Hi Lostgirl, I can relate to both of you with what you have posted so far. Me... I have been ringing as many people as I can, went to an NHS run psycho-sexual counselling meeting to get referred on the NHS sex addiction counselling program - 6 week wait - so have to be patient. I have rung a few Private Counsellors and spoke to one lovely lady who told me that the Priory run a Tuesday evening counselling group at their Hale building. Other than that I am going to try and get to one of the meetings in Manchester.
So you both are not alone in trying to find the answers and support to all the questions we probably have - and I am sure there are the people out there with the answers to these questions. I did speak to a lovely chap from Scotland who rang me today. It was a weight off my mind to actually talk to some one about my problem. He said from what I had told him that I was in the same position that he was two years ago. Having had this addiction for a good number of years, it surfaces when I am feeling so low.... and currently being out of work I have too much time on my hands. I am with a a lovely girl/lady who has had to put up with an awful lot. My behaviour these last few months has really tried her patience. She told me in the week when she found out what I had been upto on the net that we were over. I have abstained from going onto any hardcore/adult sites since wednesday and I am trying my best to keep it that way by being as involved with other healthier aspects of my life. Its hard to try an explain to her how low I feel with myself after the build up to the initial high and then the following low... and of course we all know how to compensate for that low... we go for another high... Vicious circle.
I know inside me there is a demon that I am not happy to have around me anymore. Its destroyed so many aspects of me - and I need to find out who I am again. I know I am not some sexually addicted monster. And I know this is the start of a journey that I will look forward to the new me who will come out the other side.
Hi you two, you both sound
Hi you two, you both sound like you're doing the best things you can, getting professional support, and that's something I definately have to do. Do you approach your GP about the NHS counselling program? It would be such a help, to finally understand and help myself, as you say, it destroys absolutley everything in your life. If you speak to people about sex addictions they come out with rubbish such as "Cool! A nympho!" And when you try and explain it's NOT COOL, they just don't understand, so it's great to talk to people who know how it gets hold of you without you realising til it's too late.Good luck and hope to hear from you both again soon.
Hello again, I have to be
Hello again, I have to be honest.. I feel happy to be using the internet now in a positive way to rid me of the way I used to be. I say used to be in that it was only earlier in the week when I was indulging in how i 'used' to be ... so I am still not that far from the edge, but I am walking away... I understand what youve said in your other post and will reply to that one in a minute. But as for counselling via the NHS - I contacted a Private Counsellour and she suggested the NHS Centre where they do counselling in Liverpool and today I had my appointment there and got the referral I was looking for - but have to wait. The catch is that there are Private Counsellours (sorry I know I am spelling this al wrong) who take on NHS referrals but usually your GP will refer you to an NHS Counsellour - and there in lies the waiting game... Bummer I know...ALl I know is my actions have really hurt my girlfriend - I say girlfriend although she did tell me mid week that we are OVER. As I know all trust has gone. But I believe trust can be rebuilt - thats of course if the other person is willing to let the wrong doer have that chance. Me, I am all for giving people chances. Anyway... contact your GP. Also there is a top guy in London - who I have on a bookmark and will post the web address in a reply after this for you to look at - its worth giving them a call and talking to them... they wont charge - especially if your like me strapped for cash at the moment..Michaelps Its just struck me - somewhat ironic that I dont feel it appropriate to get too personal as in end a message with regards or kind regards and heaven forbid leaving an 'x' - I feel somewhat 'monk' like. Does that make any sense ?????
hi guys, it was realy good
hi guys, it was realy good to wake up this morning go online and to see these replysi really identified with both of you. especially how to end the message (hehe). It is so good that we have as much insight as we have so early and i feel gratful that im able to write without reading behind everything and trying to hook the other person into my fantasy games. Last week micheal i was in the same position with my wife, i had drained her with forcing myself on her and all the power games that was and is involved in my relationship with her. I hit such a rock bottom she wanted me out the only thing thats stopped it was that we are up to our arse in debt and we have four young kids ( i thought the kids might fix me.. that somehow thats what was missing) She put the block on all physicall contact and i hit the porno on the internet to fix me... but it didnt work. I was dying and desperate inside not understanding how after years in other fellowships i found myself like this. Thanks god i chanced to call somene who is on this SLAA programme (which i dindt know) going to the HOW meetings. She 12 stepped me. I am lucky that there are meeings 2 to 3 hours away its just a bit of a drive. I am really looking forward to starting the questions with a sponser. Today is the first day in a while that i feel a little at peace. My wife and i are on good terms. I spoke to her and she underdstands as much as she can at this point. I have stopped hounding her and given her space around sex and it is aready amazing how much we are talking and how warm i feel towards her (non sexual) anyway i better shut up and give you guys a chance to talk. Bye the way i got a copy of the slaa basic texts and that really helps. When i am going into one and i cant get hold of anyone i read that.Have a safe day and remember "the gates of heaven may not be open but the gates of hell are surley shut" there you go thats better than ending with xxx (hehe) not even i can read anything sexual in that ( lol)
Hi ODAAT, I'm so glad you
Hi ODAAT, I'm so glad you seem to making prgress. Your relationship with your wife seems less strained, and thats probably because theres less pressure. Take it one day at a time and before you know it things will be great once more! You're doing fantastic, well done :)