i find myself in relationships , and when i am not with the person, i find i fantasise, and soon become sexualy needy , going with people i dont want to go with, just to reliev myself. i find its part of a cycle , from where i was a young man, always shot down and told i could not cry. so with this as imprint , ive found i will sabotage when my head and feelings do not want to. so i can know i was wrong. so i wont find it hurts to be left by somone. and at the same time reasoning that it was these actions that made the s/ o leave. paranoidly so. and in some cases the same reasons. i need help to break this immoral cycle , find self esteem, and become whole.